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Saturday, October 16th, 2004
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futa.. I don't like the person I've become....
can't I go back to the way I used to be?
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Saturday, October 2nd, 2004
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| Subject: | hiya~ |
| Time: | 1:02 am. |
| Mood: |  uncomfortable. | | Music: | Krisdayanti - Cobalah Untuk Setia. |
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hn.. quite awhile ^^;;;;
um.. the last few months.. I've sucessfully screw some major things up.. I think ^^; *runs*
well, not ~that~ major.. I hope-- mostly it's about relationships and friends thing..
um.. June ..
er.. I.. in not so good/sober condition asked a guy to be my (our) boyfriend... *cringe* the guy 'accepted' and.. well, it's basically a political/purpose pairing at first, but after a month/ 2 weeks or so that 'political' necessity got old--
and when ^Sein found out a week after we got together, she was.. hysterical.. and promptly demanded that we break up asap *ouch* she regards him as an annoying wimp.. btw.. ^^;;;
August.. I screw up.. again... so we have this guy bestfriend that ^Sein actually trust/ close to.. and I was.. 'interested' in him.. as in wanna stick my tongue in his throat *choke* and that guy actually okay with my.. 'jokingly-expressed-curiosity' and we end up in some lust based 'relationship' (read : fling)-- while I haven't broken up with that guy in previous paragraph..
it was very short-lived and ended up badly, I couldn't care less, but it was a pretty heavy blow for ^Sein..
er.. September.. actually got 'sober' and I couldn't carry on with that fake relationship with that previously mentioned boyfriend.. and finally-- we broke up, things are getting better since then actually ^^;
until today...
we accidentally met the ex-bf and ^Sein went "I'm not bloody hell meeting that guy!" -- ^Sein loathes him, I'm okay with him-- and futa couldn't care less ^^;;; that's why we prefer not to be involved with a friend, it tends to get ugly in the end.. *shrugs*
hell, I crossed that border and few others when involved with the guy ^Sein trusted ^^;
[.. and look where it led us to..]
^^;;;;;;
anyway~ it's good to be back na~
- Oz
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these last few days :
^Sein : "$##U$(%^(^#@$@#@)()&#$!!!!"
me : "ano.. it's really.. not like that... ^^;;;;"
well, in a way, I'm amused ^^; she's just too .. cute XD *gets thrown at with a rhino*
^^; it's like this, I (since I started it).. 'partnered' with a guy (outsider) in a 'relationship' -- mind the ' marks ^^; it's just-- well, mostly a joke.. but ^Sein apparently takes it as a.. nuisance and idiocy ^^; (the guy isn't exactly fitting in ^Sein's definition of a 'guy' anyway-- and... *cringe* more or less, she loathes him.. *runs*)
*shrugs* maybe she's worried that I'll actually fall for him.. but really.. *rollseyes* life isn't that much interesting when you take no risks, right? >D
and I'm insulted you doubt my professionality XD *ducks from thrown objects*
*pats ^Sein* really, it's okay ^^ have faith in me :D
- Oz
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| Subject: | assigning |
| Time: | 1:06 am. |
| Mood: |  grateful. | | Music: | Russel Watson - Where My Heart Will Take Me. |
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we're just realize we're doing awful on the overall life thing ^^; well, kinda realized it a long time ago, but just didn't make any changes~
ok..
the college-university assignments thing.. *gives files to futa-chama* I suck in responsibility ^^; he won't do anything involving any outsider anyway~
the social skill.. sein is having a headache, I think.. guess I'll take over this field~ atleast the .. corresponding part ^^;
a friend said something about at times like 'these' I go call futa-chama to clean up the mess~ so to make it fair, I'll deal with the outsiders he doen't like.. so everyone's happy, right?
and well.. kinda...
we know where we're heading in this life..
and atleast, do the best until then ^^
hehe, ganbatte all ^___^
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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
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| Subject: | update |
| Time: | 11:50 pm. |
| Mood: |  indifferent. | | Music: | The Superjesus - Gravity. |
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...
tsk. Oz is trying to make me tell the 'problem' I'm 'having'. really, what problem?
anyway, quick update of the system's condition :
Bishop's death has already been confirmed. no one knows him? too bad.
Raven returned yesterday, or this morning. she's a Rei, I don't trust Reis. yes, the fact that she tried to kiss my boyfriend affected my view, definitely.
seriously, Oz, Reis only interested in screwing either your physique or mind.. I'd rather dealing with Rey than Raven.. personal hostility aside, she tried to convert a.. very powerful member to their side, and it's hardly comforting.
Heaven has been released, there's no much point in keeping her isolated anyway, since she could attract/create monsters from a 2nd level generic room.
is rebuilding the object life-- been neglected that for awhile when dealing with inner tubulances.
good night.
- Shu
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it's from ^Sein, btw :D
"Okay."
"that's Dad," *points at ^Shu* "that's Mom." *points at me*
"and that's Dad's boyfriend" *points at ^Deni who went "WTF!?"* "and that's Mom's boyfriend." *points at ^Dani wo just thudded his head (... er.. we broke up, but she doesn't really care) ^^;*
ah, the joys of parenting.. XD *gets bricked*
guess she's getting annoyed/ stressed over the ^Heaven-^Deni mess ^^~ *pats* s'okay, you needn't to worry about that~ we'll take care of it ^^
got the quiz from the ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) chezames ^^
me~
You are Woodstock!
Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
^Dani's
You are Rerun!
Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
^futa-chama/ Shu's ^^;
You are Lucy!
Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
- Oz
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Saturday, March 6th, 2004
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a pray to the heavens
of fearless and sweet dreams
in a world safe and bright
a pray to the heavens
of a child ever so protected
and never left alone
in the dark
.. like it or not, I suppose we have to welcome a new member..
she's in my custody until further notice.
btw, it's not me who made the .. writings above. I don't have such taste in humor.
- Shu
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Tuesday, February 24th, 2004
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nyaa.. after some nagging, I got an avatar ^^
and I made one for futa-chama~ ... but really.. ^^;;
*shakes ^Shu around*
he doesn't look like that ^^~~~~ hiks~ futa-chama actually looks effeminate, beautiful, not.. like the image he chose for his avatar ^^;;
[.....]
... well, his choices were even worse before that one.. an old bearded man, few deformed monsters, a tiger, a demon with sickly face.. *gulps* please, from the whole artbook, I'd say that angel with blonde hair or the robed prince resembles him most .. T__T~
[.....
you actually sound like ^Sein]
and I have the right to ^^~~ I'm your most loyal fanboy~ *watches futa-chama thuds his head to the desk*
ara..? ^^;
one day, I'll change that avatar of yours to a more suitable one~ >D
[..what suitable?]
well, a prettier one?
[I'm not pretty]
*rollseyes* right.
[.. this is.. a given appearance]
but each of us has a reason why we look like we are in inner world ^^;; or ^Dani wouldn't look like 'him'.. you deserve that face~
[.. you mean there's some use in me having this appearance?]
er.. not that.. *sigh* I thought we already get over that 'whore' thing..? you're not. never had been. or I'd have you in my bed since a long time ago ^^; *watches futa-chama thuds his head again*
[....]
I love you too ^^ *gets thrown at*
- Oz & Shu
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Saturday, February 7th, 2004
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| Subject: | progress |
| Time: | 7:37 pm. |
| Mood: | indifferent. | | Music: | Radiohead - Fake Plastic Trees. |
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talked more with the.. other system.
first, I wouldn't approve the fact that he (the one currently fronting) calls us (^Oz, really) by the name 'Oz'.. instead of the usual alias of the object, in a public chatroom.
we'll see what we can do about that. I'd have to front since Oz is.. unavailable.
second, I must admit that I couldn't care less whichever of them finally being the host, yet the probability that the fronter now would merely mimicking the previous, and along that.. well, attempting to make us drop our guard..
in either way, just have to make sure that no guard is being pulled down.
third, I'm putting Oz in suspension. or some days off, whichever.
the mess involving ^Dani affecting him more than I'd like to let him keep fronting in the time being.
- Shu
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Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
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just a quick one, really.
tested the waters, or so to speak, about the.. person Oz thought to be like me.
and whose system .. caught the attention of Sein, perhaps.
I was dissapointed.
expectation is idiocy, but with the terms 'like me' I atleast .. would rather being taken as better than that.
Oz is not in his best of conditions. he's suspended.
after.. quite some time, a year, probably, I front in lengthened period again. hijacking his programs and memories is not at all that difficult, actually.
responding wouldn't be a problem, initiating, perhaps. Oz is talkative and.. assertive.
we'll see later, I suppose. if nothing out of the ordinary happens, the object would be expected to show up in a chat room full of.. friends.
it'll be a test.
- Shu
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Tuesday, November 11th, 2003
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um.. we miss our Diary-x journal.. it's been neglected and in need for revamp, but I guess we'll get it back up again ^^
Livejournal's layout doesn't leave too much space for exploration (blame futa for the words usage ^^; I was going to say "we can't rambling too much here without over-stuffing the page" ^^;; )
it settled then, we're gonna dump our (long) thoughts and rambling there, and reading the entries.. I guess it's more personal than this LJ..
too bad most of the multiple journals we used to read there are gone ..
- Oz
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Sunday, November 9th, 2003
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I/we just told an online friend that we are having 'MPD' ...
all he know before was that the body is a guy and blah blah.. ano.. it's me that usually speak with him, mind you.. and I'm a guy..? hello..? ^^;;
and I've spent good deal of time talking to him about my .. er..love life *ducks from flying rhino missile*
he's been .. supportive, I guess, so I kinda felt bad.
I was about to say that the body was attracted to another guy.. so that'll make that recent love interest doomed (no offense really, but here it's .. not as accepting as other countries could be) and make him stop giving.. advices, but I end up talking about our multiplicity.. ^^;; mind the usage of 'I' there.. *cringe*
aaaan~d.. guess what..
he's one of those "you must KILL the other to be YOURSELF!" kind of people ^^; of course, I tried to explain that we live pretty happily here with the presence of each other, but he got preaching on how people are basically selfish and 'they' would try to overthrown me .. by killing me.. ooohkaa~y ^^;;;
for all he know, I'm the 'host in distress' here.. ^^; so I SHOULD kill those menaces and triumphant as a happy singleton 'guy' (he still don't know that the body's a girl) that have full 'control' of 'himself' XP
so I said .. "ooh~ integration? my (my, not our, mind the usage again~) therapist also trying to get me into that." (bullshit, our therapist wants us to be multiple so he can use us as guinea pigs :P)
and "of course, I won't let they rule over me ^^ you've been a VERY understanding friend.. I appreciate your help." yadda yadda~
uh huh.. I wonder why I didn't choke myself over laughing when typing all that XD
your typical 'coming out' in the worse part, really ^^
anyway, our system are so so..
some dramas, of course, ^Dani and ^Deni was fighting again last night and what happened 3 years ago was brought into surface..
... I've been kinda depressed, but it's okay, I've come to terms with that ^^
^Shu is thinking to cut off his hair again.. I think he kinda look nice with shoulder length hair like he was few months ago, but it's his call :P
^Sein's been.. active lately, but now she spends her time watching over me that isn't exactly in my best of moods.. but hell, what just happened amuses me ^^;
off now~ jya :D
- Oz
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Friday, October 31st, 2003
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| Subject: | updates? |
| Time: | 9:22 pm. |
| Mood: | mixed. | | Music: | Darren Hayes - When You Say You Love Me. |
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things are so-so lately~
I'm guilty though, I mix up my personal problem to the system, caused distress and messed up presentation to the outside world.. btw, I'm the official main frontrunner now, Shu prefers to stay on the inside by the reason of not having any social skill.. *sweatdrops*
now he's mostly can be found in his office watching Clay and Rid doing their job~ or listening to me whining about my current love interest ^^;; *runs*
yeah, since I became the main frontrunner, I spend more and more time in his office, being the closest place to the database and Shu himself~ (ano..and the whining about love-life *ducks from thrown objects*)
now.. well, I had to take things more.. slowly..
yeah, maybe I really should.. oh well.
anyway, got this from Pavilion's Library~ naturally it's mostly Shu who answer that.. ^^;
( Operating Structure )
almost forget ^^; we recently joined Positively Plural Mark 2, wonderful place there ^^
Happy Halloween/ Samhain everyone~
- Oz
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i'm tseng x rufus!
i'm beautiful. i'm rich. i own the world. and not only that, but fangirls weep at the pure amount of pretty ust potential that is me.
of course, i'm also prone to being stabbed and blown up, but hey, it can't all be whipped cream and corporate takeovers.
take the which bishink pairing are you? test,
by tenshi and llamajoy.
there's something off with this.. I thought they would get SeiferXSquall.........
[.....]
anyway, nothing interesting happened, yea, Deni blows things off with the parents and/or practically everyone else near enough, but oh well.. *shrugs*
- Oz
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kyahahaahahahahaha ^^ ^Shu've been staring at the monitor to write some 'neutral entry' (that has nothing to do with theories and explanations) and failed ^__^;
this song, also, is played of his request/taste..
actually I'm more to the guilty party concerning 'theme songs' and all.. *grins* but damn, this^ Deni thingie is annoying ^^; I keep asking 'what the hell happened again' and he(Shu) still won't answer~
( irrelevant bickering~ )
last Sunday, ^Deni hijacked the body, well.. the body and ^Shu ^^; it was somewhat consensus, which left the others.. except the ever-awake ^Clay, in cold-sleep (dormant) condition~ the deal was 24 hours straight from 00:00 to 24:00.. but most of us awake by about 10-11 pm anyway ^^;; sorry futa-chama~
other things.. it's really not that interesting.. the object lately had been hanging around and just enjoying life~ I really need to work on how to slip ^Deni in everyday situation, though o_O; he's distinctive.. the kind of guy you can remember just by looking at his eyes..
arg, not the kind of stare a happy-suburban girl (like the object) should have, really.. *cringe* why am I concerned about this? by current situations, he's getting closer to the surface, and his last 'social outing' was.. interesting.. bye the rate we're going out, more precautions are needed ^^;
I hate that ^Deni is getting more popular by the day. can we get back to me for instance? *rollseyes*
ah, btw, we drew ^Shu with his long hair this morning (technically, yesterday)~ he got his hair back.. it was cut, cut again, then grown, then grown again, now he looks like he used to be one and a half year back~ ^^; the technicality of appearance alteration, eh? don't have any idea about that~
^Sein never really changed, me.. not that much, ^Rey is about the same, ^Eri.. I think she at some point had short hair *cough* heartbreak *cough*, ^Deni's hair was cut deliberately because he was fed up being mistaken as his counterpart.. or the other way around~ *shakes head* those two...
.. the title of this entry is still Shu's.. in some ways, kinda cynical..
maybe a tad bit sad, .. maybe.. it still suits though.. : )
jya minna ^^~o
- Oz
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uh.. we're not.. in too good condition now..
not 'we' exactly~ ^Shu and ^Deni are... *rollseyes*
we've been playing Ragnarok Online lately, and we got ourselves 3 characters.. one for ^Shu, one for me+^Sein and the last one is for ^Eri..
well, apparently, that fragile, all holy and broken angel demeanor attracted few admirers ingame.. ^Eri, as always, can't be more clueless about other people's feelings *snorts* well, it wasn't a problem until one friend we know IRL .. or her character (she's .. kinda multiple also, it seems..) fell for the chara ^Eri is playing~
bad.
our friend said that she couldn't even hold 'him' back from only thinking about the chara ^Eri's playing.. she couldn't even retain 'him' from appearing (fronting?) in real life..
the problem would be.. ^Shu is.. how should I say it? possesive/over-protective/obsessed concerning ^Eri .. another problem arise, since ^Shu's freakin' taken ^^; by the most trouble maker person here nonetheless~
I'm having a headache ^^;
we discussed (hehe ^^; more like fought over) about this yesterday/2 days ago.. it even involved ^Rey to the point ^Shu stated to the friend that it all depends on our character's (^Eri's) response.. but still... *eyeing futa-chama*
we'll go to the 'confession booth' (Mr. Shrink) tomorrow, I think ^^; hope it'll help..
...unless we meet the friend tonight ingame.. and let ^Eri play her chara.. hn.. that would be interesting :D *runs*
- Oz
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| Subject: | .... |
| Time: | 9:14 am. |
| Music: | Evanescence - Taking Over Me. |
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in a world where he's not there..
she's always your princess...
your little princess. only yours..
always yours...
... if I have to pick up the pieces..
if she fall once again. I'll be there.
I don't care.. I don't care anymore.
she is free. not mine only.
I'll pick up the pieces.. if she should fall..
I'll be there.
isn't it always like that? you liar.
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I'm bored as hell ^^;
.. ara ^^; I have things in mind.. but really ^^;; *scratches head*
anyway, the last conversation topic was 'sexual orientation' *coughs*
we (Shu and me, there's no one else that'd wake up in this hour) were.. debating.. ^^; I'm bi, Shu couldn't care less, but Dani and Deni?
they're both guys, and believed as straight...
one sleeps with and the other already smitten with Shu for about 2-3 years.. btw, this is kinda complicated ^^; we've been on and off about this one since Deni is a walking volcano.. and wouldn't hesitate to drag others in in order to.. express something.. *wince*
Shu is a guy.. well, he used to be a girl.. then found out that she's genderless, but to simplify inner world form, he took a guy's form.. among other reasons~
then..
okay, those two twin buggers (not twin, but it's easier to say that anyway) dealt with the female Shu.. but now --er.. for about a year- futa-chama is a guy .. ^^; so what's they.. ?
[.. straight]
how could you say that?
[because I know. Dani still think of me as female, btw. of course, that 'smitten' thing could be easily doubted.. ]
that jerk sleeps with you, right?
well, hello ^^; he sleeps with a guy, then~
[........]
what? :D
[.. he's straight.]
but- [there's no reason why I should tell you how I know.]
.....
*rotfl* damn, I miss times like this ^^~~
I'd really want to see you red-faced sometime
[..unlikely]
- Oz + Shu equipped with a death glare
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mya~ Sein --;
uh, yeah, this is Sein~ somebody back there told me to be polite or whatever and warning whoever read this beforehand that I sucks in grammar or english in general :P come on T__T I'm not Shu who check his entry /writing ten times over.. T___T that's just sick, y'know..
who d/l-ed this song, anyway? but I'm too sleepy anyway to protesting much..
I was commenting about something when those two talking about partner/boyfriend/girlfriend whatever taht sort~ and they say that I should write it here.. oh well
yesterday we met with a long lost friend.. no, he just come back for holiday from the country he studied in~ no Shu T__T you may NOT correct my gammar or spelling thing :P *kicks control-freak-darth-vader away*
back to the guy~ I think Oz found him attractive or something, but nothing else.. since we (as in, we, you prolly not) all know who had been the constant interest of that crossdresser *glares* then those two starting to talk abpout how if the object has boy/girlfriend (yea, pretty much bi here. the only one can be attracted to outsider would be Oz.. or that mega-bimbo, but just screw the latter) .. how would that affect the system inside..
well, Deni would kill the rest of us first before giving/letting Shu with anyone else, so can't do much about it *grumbles* that, and nei-- ME neither --; (shuddup --; I hate grammar and not planning to do anything about it) come on, it's took MONTHS before I can accept that Deni is sleeping with him >_<;; and that's Deni~ atleast I know the fuck they've been through *raises middle finger*
hell if I can accept anyone else touching... argghhhhhhh >_<~~~ *shudders*
[.. ^^; ano.. Sein... ]
what? --;;;
aw.. stfu.. --; whatever it is, I've seen that .. Clay incident thingie [just a quick one, Clay is another insider ^^; I'll tell more later on ^^;;] I'm not seeing any other like that anymore.. thta's... aw..
[just forget la~ ^^;]
that's bad for your sanity --; to see something like that~ why the hell Clay should be there at all??
[.. that's not exactly the point ^^;;]
{.. you're missing your point, Sein.}
..huh? what..
[the attraction/boyfriend subject? ^^;]
oh well.. --; anyway, okay...
maybe it's not just about Deni run amok whenever he sees anyone touching -litterally, like, poking- his.. erg.. [boyfriend? :D] T__T okay, that.
anyway, I'm not letting anyone else.. also.. hell T__T Shu've been through shit for us, ME T__T~ why the hell should he through evenmore again? T___T
... that..
it.. was...
I didn't know.. maybe that's why... I wanted to go..
I didn't.. know.. it was.. that bad..
[.. what the..?]
{... I'm sorry.}
..........
{sleep, Sein. it'll help. you're still weak}
- Sein + Oz & Shu
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I'm a fool.
I know they'll be furious when they found out. but will they?
maybe I just don't care.
... maybe I've been fooling myself all this time. and along the way, fooling everyone else.
maybe. but again, why should I care?
oh yeah, because it's hurting other people.
..responsibility is responsibility, however you look at it.
they should just hate me. that would be simplify things so much.
..being a bastard used to be easier.
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amused.
infuriated.
contemplative.
blank.
devious.
stressed.
bored.